At one point I realised: ‘Okay, I’ve been putting on a show for the last 23 years. Now I’m in a place to make a decision: Learn a new set of rules and do the whole show again or refuse to learn how to be a woman again.’ I decided to get real with myself. To go into this terrifying gender chaos and find my own structure. My true self feels like a liquid, continuously morphing, thing. I use different names to express these different parts of myself.